COWGIRLIN' IT UP!

As most of you loyal readers know, for months now I have been going out to the Bingman Black Sheep Ranch where I routinely pretend I am a COWGIRL! In all honestly, I think my aunt and uncle were tired of me parading around the ranch in my Fat Baby Boots and foo-foo cowgirl hat doing nothing but snapping pictures of calves being born. When I got a call from Aunt Dee several weeks ago, I immediately realized they had decided it was high time they made a REAL cowgirl out of me! They invited me for an entire Saturday of true, down and dirty COWGIRLIN'!

YEEHAW AND GIDDYUP!

HUNGRY HOOTIE THE HOLSTEIN

THIS IS WHAT I USED TO CONSIDER COWGIRL ACTION . . .

SERVING ON THE WELCOMING COMMITTEE FOR NEW CALVES!

BUT AFTER A BEAUTIFUL SPRING SATURDAY OF

IMMUNIZATIONS, DE-HORNINGS, AND CASTRATIONS

I THINK I AM DEFINITELY ONE STEP CLOSER TO BEING TRULY COWGIRLIZED!

THE ROUND-UP!

AFTER SEPARATING THE CALVES FROM THE MAMAS . . .

AND LOADING UP THE SYRINGES . . .

WE RAN THE MAMAS INTO THE CHUTE.

SOME OF THE COWS WERE PRETTY CALM ABOUT HAVING A GIGANTIC

NEEDLE JABBED THROUGH THEIR HIDE.

SOME WERE PRETTY IRRITATED!

AND A FEW . . .

SIMPLY FREAKED!

WHO KNEW COWS WERE SUCH SISSIES?!

AND THEN THERE WAS SHORTY!

ABOUT HALF-WAY DOWN THE CHUTE, HE NOT ONLY PUT ON THE BRAKES . . .

HE THREW IT IN REVERSE!

HE PUSHED AGAINST THE BAR BEHIND HIM SO HARD,

HIS BACK FEET WOULD LIFT COMPLETELY OFF THE GROUND!

HE WAS COMPLETELY BULLHEADED ABOUT GOING DOWN THAT CHUTE!

HOWEVER, WHILE HE WAS BUSY THROWING A FIT, HE GOT HIS IMMUNIZATIONS WITHOUT HAVING TO LOAD INTO THE CHUTE COMPLETELY!

SHORTY POST TEMPER TANTRUM

NOW LEST YOU THINK I STOOD AROUND AND WATCHED THE OTHERS WORK . . .

(AND SNAPPED TONS OF SILLY SELF-PORTRAITS)

I DID HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT JOB IN THIS PROCESS!

I WAS THE OFFICIAL TAIL TRIMMER!

A JOB I TOOK VERY SERIOUSLY!

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A COW TAIL WITH LAYERS?

I CAN TELL YOU WHERE TO FIND AN ENTIRE HERD OF CREATIVELY TRIMMED TAILS!

AND THEN IT WAS TIME TO RUN THE CALVES!

JESSIE SHOWING ME HOW ITS DONE!

RUN 'EM DOWN THE CHUTE AND SMOOSH THEM AGAINST THE FRONT PANEL!

AND SIT ON THEM IF NECESSARY!

BANDING

(yep. mean old castration!)

AND THEN IT WAS COWGIRL TESS'S TURN!

APPARENTLY I LIKE TO SWEET TALK MY COWS!

I SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU (AND THROW IN A FEW YEEHAWS)!

IT WORKS SURPRISINGLY WELL! JUST CALL ME THE CALF WHISPERER!

COWGIRL UP!

OH BUT WAIT. I MIGHT BE ABLE TO WRESTLE A CALF--GO HEAD TO HEAD WITH ONE TRYING TO DESPERATELY AND WILDY ESCAPE THE CHUTE. BUT CALF POOPIE . . . IT IS MY KRYPTONITE! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CALF POOPIE IS EXTRA RUNNY. AND ALL DOWN MY LEG! AND THEN I GAG AND MAKE AWFUL FACES AND RUN AWAY IN SEARCH OF FRESH AIR.

THESE ARE THE ONLY PICTURES I HAVE OF THE DE-HORNING PROCESS.

I NEVER SNAPPED A PICTURE OF IT MYSELF BECAUSE IT HONESTLY FREAKS ME OUT! JESSIE TOOK THESE--OF ME GAGGING--AGAIN! THE SMELL OF BURNING HAIR AND FLESH--NOT SO NICE SMELLING! BUT AT LEAST I DIDN'T RUN AWAY!

SPEAKING OF RUNNING AWAY . . . I WAS ON CALL THIS PARTICULAR WEEKEND. AT ONE POINT THE HERD WAS PARTICULARLY VOCAL--EVERY COW, EVERY CALF BAWLING AT THE EXACT SAME TIME! IT WAS AT THIS SAME TIME THAT MY WORK PHONE RANG. I ATTEMPTED TO GET AS FAR FROM THE BARNYARD NOISES AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE BUT I KNOW THE SOUND OF AN ENTIRE HERD OF MOOING COWS COULD BE HEARD THROUGH THE PHONE LINES! FORTUNATELY FOR ME, THE CALL WAS COMING FROM ONE OF OUR BUILDINGS (AND NOT A DISCHARGE NURSE AT THE HOSPITAL). BUT STILL, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT THAT POOR GIRL MUST HAVE BEEN THINKING AS SHE SPOKE WITH ME! HOWEVER, I GUARANTEE IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE SHE'LL COME TO EXPECT STRANGE NOISE WHEN I'M MANNING THE HOTLINE FOR THE WEEKEND!

CHECK IT OUT! UNCLE JIM IS WEARING MY PINK HOTTIE!

WE ACTUALLY USED IT TO "PERSUADE" A FEW OF THE STUBBORN COWS!

THIS IS THE COW THAT SOMEHOW ENDED UP BEING NAMED AFTER ME!

I THINK IT IS COOL SHE HAS AN EAR TAG NUMBER OF 678.

MY BIRTH MONTH AND YEAR!

I LOVE NOSES!

AND BEING A COWGIRL! ")